It's been three years since my last post. You might have thought I died.

Ahhhh...blogging, just another thing to feel behind on. But really, I only do it for my own therapy and satisfaction anyway, so I don't really feel any pressure or guilt about not keeping up. Although I've had two children since my last post and taught math for a year as an intern, graduated, and have since been a stay at home mom for over a year and a half, I'm going to let this very sentence suffice  for filling in the time gap. 
This post is going to be about my New Year ambitions. I won't say resolutions because I know I can't entirely keep any solid, habitual commitments, although our sticker chart calender for family scripture study and prayer has stars on it for 6 out of the last seven days, so check us out! But I have several projects/ hobbies/ interests that I AM going to pursue this year. And I would like to explain myself to anyone who sees or hears about me doing some crazy things and wonders why on earth I would "waste my time" on such things, and then dismisses it as a sign that I am obsessive or otherwise somewhat crazy.
First of all I have recently been practicing cake decorating. I have been steadily gathering supplies and am determined to have my own cake decorating business up and running by the end of the year, with a bonified business license and professional business cards that say somewhere on them, "Angel Cakes by Angel Nilsson." I have a whole business plan written out and am steadily following it. A lot of it just involves me practicing different techniques and finding my favorite recipes. I am looking for opportunities to make cakes, and I am willing to make a cake for anyone who is hosting an event and needs a cake but wouldn't mind trusting a novice decorator with something so important as the cake! I understand that it's practically the most important part of any party (sarc) (sarc is a abbreviation that my brother Carl made up to denote sarcasm in written speech and I am determined that it is a good idea, much needed in the social networking world, and that if I use it enough it will catch on because I am soooo popular (sarc)). I am willing to make you a cake for "at cost" cost, or even for free if I love you enough.
Okay so now for the heart-felt, emotional, mental explanation that everyone will get bored reading, but that the writer always feels is necessary in order to explain themselves and prevent people from calling them crazy, but that probably elicits more eye-rolls than anything. But whatever. About 9 months ago I really started to feel the stay-at-home mom ugness (new word, hopefully it will catch on because of my a fore mentioned popularity, especially with stay-at-home-moms). I had not much to look forward to everyday and more than that, I felt unaccomplished, under appreciated (partly because I wasn't ever accomplishing anything more than the average human), and that my specific skills and talents and traits were being wasted here in the prime of my life, as I spent my days changing diapers, feeding babies and doing laundry and dishes. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE being a stay at home mom, and wouldn't rather be in the full time workforce missing precious, irretrievable time with my babies that goes all to quickly. And I DO recognize the importance of my role in my children's lives and the importance of their lives in the world and in the Father's plan. But I did feel unhappy a lot of the time. At first I raised my expectations for my husband and blamed him for my unhappiness when he didn't meet those unrealistic expectations. "Wayne, you need to compliment me more. Tell me how much you appreciate me and validate me by telling me why my job is so important and what specific things I do well, and even extraordinarily well." "Wayne, I need to get out of the house! Please plan dates for us and don't make me arrange the babysitters every time, because it takes some of the fun away if I have to spend the night worrying about whether the babysitter is resenting me for taking her night away." But even when he upped his game, I was still unhappy a lot. I knew I needed something for myself, a hobby of some kind that I could spend a little uninterrupted time on once in a while to help myself feel like I was progressing my own ambitions in some way. I am a creative, meticulous type person and so I turned to cake decorating. I would spend free time day dreaming of the business that I would someday own and operate out of my home, and I started building supplies and practicing the skill. I think it has really helped me fill a hole in my life.

Okay, now for New Year ambition #2: Become involved in female activism in the form of improving images of women in media. Now before you call me crazy or fanatical, stop and think about the reality of how women are represented in media. Too often (it should never occur in a perfect world), women are underrepresented, misrepresented, and over sexualized. If you don't believe me, try watching the movie, Social Network, from a feminist viewpoint. It's terrible. I stewed in anger over that movie for days. If the black race were represented in the film the way that women were represented, there would be an outrage; aside from two very, very small female roles, his girlfriend in the beginning and his lawyer in the end, women were strictly limited to stupid, ditsy, party animals, only interested in alcohol, drugs, beauty, and sexually pleasuring any person who would be willing). There was no depth of character or intelligence in any of them. Sadly, however, this is not uncommon. The specific area of female representation that I am going to try and make a difference in is altered photographs of women (and men) in still, media images. The airbrushing, waist slimming, breast plumping, etc... is out of control and has created a literally impossible beauty standard for us women to compare our selves to and for men to compare us to. I believe it is the main contributing factor for so many women having a horribly negative self body image. This contributes to depression, eating disorders, and thousands of dollars and hours spent trying to improve ones looks, rather than on worthwhile endeavors such as improvements of mind and talents or on real aspects of good relationships. I read a quote at the Hirshhorne Museum of Art that said, "If you gave as much attention to your brain as you do your hair, you'd be a thousand times better off." So true! So do not buy into all those magazine photos and advertisement ladies and gents, because they are all airbrushed anyway.

So in conclusion do not be surprised when I am the next reality tv star of cake decorating, or when I write and get passed a legislative bill promoting realism in the media world.