Our True Colors

Our True Colors

Wednesday, March 8, 2017

1/365; A Day for Women

International Women's Day. For many women, and even more men, is just another ordinary day. For some, women's day is an annoyance with what they see as whiny women who make themselves out to be so underprivileged, when they're really not, and who think they are better than men. And then there's the others, those so-called whiny women and the women they advocate for, who celebrate this day with marches, meetings, lunch with a girlfriend, gifts, and in so many other ways. All these little acts of advocacy surmount to one global push forward towards gender equality, towards a world that values women as much as men for what they bring to the table. One of the greatest effects of this one day is to make the whole world pause, just for a moment, and give a nod to all women past and present who have withstood hardship because of their gender.
Someone asked me today what I suggested they do on women's day, that would be different than any other day. I gave some quick response to pamper the women in their life (this evoked some sexual remarks) and I left it at that. But it has made me reflect. What could someone do that is different on this day? For me, my husband and I wore our shirts with "This is what a feminist looks like" and I made a little shout out on social media to my women and all women. But, I thought, did that really change anything? Did I really make a difference in the fight for gender equality? Maybe. Perhaps I gave some validation and raised awareness. But what more could people do? Well here's 18 practical ways to make a difference for women on Women's day:
1. Compliment. Compliment. Compliment. Give them left and right. Give one to that female bus driver. Give one to the women who serves your food. Give one to your female coworker. And of course to your closest female family members and friends. Don't just compliment on looks. While that is kind and well recieved, today is not about what women look like, it's about all the other wonderful things that they are. Give them sincere, specific, detailed comliments. Let them know what a difference they are making.
2. Write a note or card to a woman you admire. Your mom would love to recieve a heart-felt note expressing your gratitude and appreciation for her. A text to your aunt or your neice would make their day. Indeed, any woman you know would love it.
3. Do a service for a woman. You know those chores that your lady seems to always take upon herself? Do them for her and insist that she go take some times for herself. And if your really close, women LOVE massages.
4. Participate in a march or event for women's rights. Almost every major city has a women's march on Women's day, and often there are other major events for women that day as well. Do a google search to find information for your area. If you can't find an event, then host one!
5. Volunteer at a women's center.
6. Donate to a women's organization. If you don't already have an organization that you love, Google grassroots women's organizations in your area or donate to one of the following: The American association of University Women, The Association of Women's Rights in Development, League of Women Voters
7. Donate items to a women's shelter. Most shelters will take clothing donations, hygene products, educational supplies, and houshold items.
8. Make a post on social media advocating for women and girls. Raise awareness!
10. Support a woman's business. Help women get further in entreprenueral endeavors by supporting their businesses!
11. Have a talk, formal or informal, with your sons or boys in your care about respect for girls. These conversations should be ongoing from the time boys are very young. Point out the contributions of their mothers and sisters and other girls, correct them when they disrespect, teach them about body boundries and respecting others wishes about their body, talk about all the rights women have had to fight for and are still fighting for. Movies, whether misrepresenting women, or really doing women justice, are always good opportunities to talk about these things.
12. Have a talk, formal or informal, with your daughters or girls, about the potential they have. Teach them to stand up for themselves. Teach them to critique societal norms about women. Again, these should be ongoing conversations and movies are great opportunities for these discussions.
13. Learn about a female hero and share the story with someone else.
14. Do an art project in honor of women or a women's issue. So much creativity here.
15. Host an event to discuss women's issues. This could be anything from a lunch with the girls (and boys who are interested) to a support group for victims of sexual assault.
16. Give a gift to a female friend in honor of their femininty. I love bath stuff. and make up. and Games. and Camping stuff. In case you wanted some ideas ;-)
17. Fundraise for a women's organization. This is one of the most impactful things you can do! How much love gets spread when you organize a fundraiser and all the people who help and all the people who donate get the feel goods, ON TOP of all the good that the money will do!
18. Do something to publicly display or point out to others the great sacrifices and tremendous acheivements of the women in your culture. This is a particularly good idea for those that live in places where women's expression is oppressed and feminism is disdained.

Please comment with any other suggestions you have for how to make a difference for women! Also, please share pictures and stories of what YOU did for women on women's day!

Friday, January 6, 2017

A Toast, To Continual Progress

At year's end and year's beginning, I love to celebrate the achievements and progress of the past year and make lists and lists for the new one.

So first, a celebration! Major achievement of 2016: I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, Maggie Grace, and pretty much had a dream birth with no pain interventions, in which the gender was a surprise, and we had a fun little birthday party for her with my two older kids, and several other loved ones. Other achievements: I did some awesome traveling. Went to Banff, Jasper (for the first time), Glacier, Yellowstone, Dinosaur museum in Drumheller AB, Writing on Stone, AB, Greenville, TN, and up to West Virginia, to Zion NP a couple times, Bryce, and of course MACHU PECCHU in PERU!!!! I went on my first trip out of the US or Canada! We also finished updating our basement in 2016. Wayne built some beautiful wainscotting, we did some nice paint and got some really nice carpet in. I love it! And professionally, I've been able to start tutoring students in math. It's been fun, refreshing, validating, and has helped us earn a little extra cash. There have been other great things from 2016, but that sums up the things that come most to mind.
Now we look to 2017. Some curmudgeon people think that there is no special change from righting a couple of different numbers for a signature date; nothing that should warrant more effort than what one could do on any day of the year. But I say, take advantage of every new beginning you can. On a daily basis, yes. Even on an hour to hour or minute to minute basis when you feel the urge. We should be continually striving for progress. But everyone needs road marks to take time to reflect and I find the beginning of a new year to be a refreshing opportunity.

Still some people poo poo on new years resolutions simply because so many are broken so soon, which just leads to discouragement. How many times will a person commit to losing ten pounds before they just give up forever? While I support making measurable, strict goals as many times as it takes or as long a person has the will, I have decided to make goals that, while specific, will be counted as successful if I make any sort of progress from the previous year. I don't want to be harsh with myself, heaven knows I don't need any more guilt or self punishing thoughts, and so I am choosing "no guilt." I will strive for progress for the sake of my own happiness, but I will not let the goals themselves make me unhappy if I fail at them at times.

The reason I'm writing my goals in a post is first, to get it all written down and saved, because that's the best start to any serious goal. And second, to hold myself to some degree of accountability knowing that some people may read this. I commit to writing at least two times during the year to give an honest update on my progress.

My goals:
Me and my family need more vegetables in our lives. While I could choose many ways to improve my eating habits, I am not ready to give up chowing candy and downing cold cans of Dr. Pepper. I take too much comfort in sugar. However, I think I can really embrace more vegetables in my diet. So I am making a rule of thumb to always fill up two thirds of my dinner plate with vegetables. Each dinner that I prepare will include two vegetable dishes. So far this week I've only prepped three solid dinners (it's only Thursday) and I've made delicious baked cauliflower, African spiced carrots, salad, Mediterranean lima beans, more salad, and an Indian flavored mish mash of garbanzo beans, ham and cabbage. I'm looking forward to baked sweet potato fries, breaded zucchini fries, grilled asparagus, broccoli with cheese sauce, and so much more. I can't wait to fill my recipe box with wonderful vegetable recipes, scrumptious ones and simple-to-make ones.

My second health goal has to do with exercise. I'll be honest, I hate most forms of exercise. I like to believe that I'm not alone in this and that only people off their rocker really enjoy going to the gym every day or taking a daily jog, like taking a daily needle to the butt... that lasts 30 minutes. I believe that the key to a healthy life, besides torturing yourself with running, is finding a form of exercise that you enjoy (most people have one or two) and making it a priority. Believe it or not, there are exercises that I love. I LOVE to dance. I love to water ski. I kinda like to weight lift. I like to bicycle. And I LOVE to hike. Perhaps I will take up a dance class soon, and I hope that I find opportunities to water ski, weight lift and bicycle this year, but my goal for the next 52 weeks is to get in some good hiking. I'd like to go out once a week if I can. It will be hard to do with three kids at home; hard to get away or else hard take them with me. But I am going to make an effort anyway.

I have been trying to make a habit of scripture reading for years and years. I can remember the spirit telling me multiple times that I needed to read my scriptures habitually. One time was a year or so after my mom died and I was riding on the back of Wayne's motorcycle, coming home from his sister's house. I was feeling particularly sore from missing my mom and crying and praying. Then it hit me pretty hard, almost as a scolding, that I could find healing in scripture study and that I had been ignoring God's promptings to read my scriptures regularly. That was a particularly poignant feeling from the spirit, but it wasn't the only time I've felt God's will for me to read my scriptures daily. And yet even after all these times, I still haven't made it a habit and I still have to put it on my new years list. And so it is. I am happy to say, on the one hand, that this past year, I have read scriptures more habitually than ever before in my life, as pitiful as it was. This coming year, I hope to raise the anti even more and make scripture reading a priority in my life. Today is January 5th, and so far I can check off 5 days in a row so that's something.

Personal Development:
I'm learning Spanish. Duolingo is my tool to learn it, and I am trying to make a habit of doing two little lessons on it every day, right after I read my scriptures ;-) I've recruited my husband to learn it with me and hopefully I will be brave enough to try and hold some conversations with him and others I know that are either learning or are fluent in Spanish. My little kindergartner son is in a dual Spanish immersion program which helps to make it a whole family goal.

I need to be a better mother to my little Mollyanne and not only help her get prepared for kindergarten, but spend more time with her doing a variety of activities. I am making plans for at-home preschool activities that we can do on a daily basis. Hopefully I can get prepared for each coming week on Saturdays, but on days that I don't have plan or preparations, I will try to do at least one little learning activity in which I give her my full attention. Maybe that just sounds like bad parenting to you expert mothers out there who spend all their time being perfect parents, but this is going to require big efforts for me.

Cleaning habits. ugh. I've never been very keen on cleaning, and the more children I have, the harder it gets, the more tired I am. But there is a marked difference in attitude in our home when the house is mostly clean compared to when it's a wreck (the usual). It affects my husband's attitude especially, which largely affects my attitude, which affects my children's attitudes. And aside from my husband, I feel much more stressed and discouraged when my house feels out of control. It leaves me no time for other ambitions or leisure time with my family. So I am working (I realize it may be a long fight) to create habits and methods for making my housework a non issue. I want to stop having to be embarrassed when visitors show up unexpectedly, and I want to stop feeling like a bad wife, stop feeling stressed about having enough time get my house in order, etc... I just want to be able to stay on top of the housework; have the dishes done at the end of everyday, the floors, table and counters clear, and my clothing all put away. If anyone has any lifesaving cleaning hacks they want to share with my, I am all ears.

Last but not definitely not the least, is that I will found a charity organization this year. My sister and I are already on our way to doing so. #penfriends

I know this is a lot to bite off and chew, but as I said earlier, I will count myself successful if I have made ANY progress towards each of these goals by the end of the year. I am not looking to punish myself for failure, but to celebrate myself for any progress. And I am excited to be using my new planner that I got for my birthday in November! It sounds geeky, but it's everything I've ever wanted in a planner and more! If you're the type who likes to write out your goals, lists, and schedule, look up the law of attraction planner. It will change your life. Seriously. Also get some frixion pens from Amazon. Another game changer.

Wednesday, March 25, 2015

True Love is just Commitment

I was inspired to write this when my cousin told me that she uses my love story to tell her friends when they have uncertainty about a relationship. It made me feel good. I know that our love story is unique and I've often thought that it could inspire others. So here it is. Wayne and I were in a calculus class together. He was the class clown and was too busy trying to impress our TA to notice me. I was working at the cougar express at the time and he came through the line. I recognized him from class and said, "Hey! You're in my calculus section." His response was a little like, "uhhhh..." And then he was like, "I'm Wayne." And I was like, "I know." And then he was like, "what's your name?" And I was like, "Angel." And then he was all, "Really?!" And he was gone. We ran into each other several more times after that because we had another class in the same classroom, mine right before his. So naturally, we gave in to natural forces and decided to do our homework and study for calculus together. I gave him my number and we began meeting in the math lab and sitting by each other in class. I was not, at first, very attracted to him and I didn't really want to be anything more than just friends with him, although I knew that he was interested in me and we had a good ol time flirting. I wrote in my journal, "I have a new friend that I study with named Wayne. I think he likes me but I don't really like him. Actually I really like him. I'm just not attracted to him." When he asked me on our first date, I said yes mostly because I am a yes women. Also I just like dates: fun, flirting, and free food ;-) It was actually the best first date I've ever had: group date with awesome people, Bankok, rock climbing, watching the sunset from a great view. We held hands, again, mostly because I am a yes woman and don't like to offend or make things awkward by refusing (unless it's a moral issue of course ;). We kissed on our second date. I admit that I'm actually the one that went for it, but immediately afterwards I crushed his feelings by telling him that it had been a mistake. Extreme burn, I know. At any rate, from the very beginning of our relationship, I didn't how I felt. I really liked him and I really liked spending time with him, but I didn't have that "can't eat, can't sleep, over the fence, World Series" feeling for him or that infatuation that I had felt for other guys before. I didn't want to keep leading him on if I thought he wasn't the one for me, but I also didn't want to hurt him or, more importantly, have to stop seeing him. Actually there was another guy named Doug that I had started dating about the same time I had started dating Wayne. I thought Doug was really cute and I wanted to pursue that relationship, and end my relationship with Wayne. But as time continued, Doug turned out to be a play boy kinda jerk, while Wayne on the other hand stood out as being totally and devotedly into just me. His friends would remark that he had talked a lot about me and that they were happy to finally meet me. And although I know he had been dating girls almost every weekend before me, after he took me out, he didn't pursue any other girls (unlike Doug). Oh but he wasn't a stalker either. There were no red flags along the way. In fact I was very impressed with how highly those who knew him, spoke of him (a very good sign); from his bishop to his mission companions to his converts to his roommates to his friends to his family. He came very highly recommended by everyone. So after a while, it was plain to me that he was a good person: righteous, strong testimony, generous, kind, very dependable, very loyal. He is many more wonderful things, but you get the picture. But for some reason I just wasn't feeling the excitement and jittery feelings that I thought I should. The first time he said the scary three words, I said, "Thank you." He always wore his heart on his sleeve and I was constantly hanging it on the line to dry. I broke up with him twice. The first time was only for a day; I just thought things were moving faster than my feelings for him were and I needed to take it back a few notches. I just didn't know how to say all that so it came out as "I think we need to see other people." Really what I meant was, "I'm afraid that this is going too fast. I'm not sure where I want this relationship to go yet and so I would feel more comfortable if we didn't say I love you to one another and if we didn't talk on the phone for so much time every day." (We were dating long distance over the summer). The second time we broke up, I was still not sure where I wanted the relationship to go and I was still scared of leading him on too far. The problem with this was that we were taking two classes together at this point. We decided to still be friends (cause I didn't want to let him go completely) and continue to sit by each other. Well, after many heart wrenching days, my hand still itched to hold his. It settled on just a little back tickle, which led to him walking me to my next class as he had always done before, which led to a hug that was held a little tighter and longer than the average hug, which led to a break down by both of us and us getting back together. I missed him. Plain and simple. And there was no reason to stay away from him. So we dated and dated, it really wasn't long by most people's standards, but we were coming up on a year and Wayne had known where he wanted this relationship to go for months and months. He planned an elaborate proposal for Valentines day. He had the ring, the reservations and a box of custom made fortune cookies. Well I got wind (my mom spilled the beans when I was confiding that I didn't know how I felt and that I might break up with him) and I kiboshed it. Later, before he returned it, he let me try on the ring and it felt sooo good... Sigh. There was another proposal or two in there that I shot down before they aired. After a while, Wayne got tired of my stand offishness and of feeling unloved and suggested a break. A month of being apart and dating other people if we wanted. No calling each other or hanging out. And then if we got back together, it would be for good. No more dragging him around. Either don't have him, or commit to him entirely. Whew. It was a difficult, lonely time and I admit that I didn't date as much as I would've liked (one date). I thought that if I dated other guys, I might get a better sense of how I felt about Wayne by comparison. But I quickly realized how empty I felt without him. He was my best friend and I was bored and lonely without him. I wanted him back! And I knew that I could be happy spending the rest of my life with him. He made me happy! So I think one particularly lonely night, when my roommate bailed on doing baptisms for the dead with me as we had planned, I called him up ever so humble, wondering if he would go with me. And he of course did. About three weeks later, I bought him his wedding ring and I proposed to him on Easter while he was visiting my parents' home with me. An egg hunt all around the town finally ended on the church lawn with a picnic blanket and an Easter basket full of goodies including champagne glasses, some martinellis and a wedding ring. I didn't get down on one knee, but I did ask. And he said yes. We've been happy together ever since. I am totally in love with him and along with that I find him very attractive. And the longer we are together, the better it gets. Here's the moral: True love is a choice. It does not just "happen" to you. It's a widespread misconception in our culture that a person "falls" in love, and that if the infatuation does not survive over the years, then the couple has fallen out of love and it is acceptable, if not advisable, to separate and wait for yet another happen chance meeting with love. In reality, love is a choice; real love, true love, the kind that lasts a life time love. I believe that you can pick any person you want to fall in love with, and if they are on board with the relationship decision, you can create and grow a love that will last forever. All it takes is a commitment and effort on each person's part to understand and respect and show love to, the other person. Infatuation, or that crush feeling if you will, does play a big part in bringing couples together that might be compatible. Physical attraction and (more importantly) personality attraction are the first sparks of any relationship. I think we all recognize how much a person's personality can affect how attractive they are to another person. It's not just classic, social definitions of beauty that make a person attractive. The more you come to love a person, the more physically attractive they become. So attraction is a good way to filter possible relationships that one might CHOOSE to pursue. In this way, infatuation plays a big part. And it is exciting! But it is not true love. As my father-in-law so eloquently put it, "people fall in love with ass holes all the time." I would like to change this to "people get infatuated with ass-holes all the time." They start a relationship with them, perhaps marrying them or even having children with them, and then the infatuation fog clears and they realize that they don't actually love this person and they don't even want to love this person. And some couples who were once in love, stop working to love one another, essentially choosing not to love one another. Ideally, you'd begin a relationship with an over the moon infatuation and then decide that this person is truly good for you and then build a lasting love for each other that you continue to give proper care and maintenance for the rest of your life. But honestly, the infatuation part isn't truly necessary. The most important thing in choosing a spouse or a partner is choosing someone whose ideals and morales match that of your own, and whose life goals and priorities match that of your own. Of course being able to communicate all of these things to one another is essential. So if you feel like your partner is someone you could easily and happily spend the rest of your life with, and you know that they are committed to loving you as much as you are committed to loving them, well then, CHOOSE to love them for the rest of your life. In other words, marry someone who is the kind of person you'd WANT to marry. After all, you do get to CHOOSE.

Friday, January 31, 2014

It's been three years since my last post. You might have thought I died.

Ahhhh...blogging, just another thing to feel behind on. But really, I only do it for my own therapy and satisfaction anyway, so I don't really feel any pressure or guilt about not keeping up. Although I've had two children since my last post and taught math for a year as an intern, graduated, and have since been a stay at home mom for over a year and a half, I'm going to let this very sentence suffice  for filling in the time gap. 
This post is going to be about my New Year ambitions. I won't say resolutions because I know I can't entirely keep any solid, habitual commitments, although our sticker chart calender for family scripture study and prayer has stars on it for 6 out of the last seven days, so check us out! But I have several projects/ hobbies/ interests that I AM going to pursue this year. And I would like to explain myself to anyone who sees or hears about me doing some crazy things and wonders why on earth I would "waste my time" on such things, and then dismisses it as a sign that I am obsessive or otherwise somewhat crazy.
First of all I have recently been practicing cake decorating. I have been steadily gathering supplies and am determined to have my own cake decorating business up and running by the end of the year, with a bonified business license and professional business cards that say somewhere on them, "Angel Cakes by Angel Nilsson." I have a whole business plan written out and am steadily following it. A lot of it just involves me practicing different techniques and finding my favorite recipes. I am looking for opportunities to make cakes, and I am willing to make a cake for anyone who is hosting an event and needs a cake but wouldn't mind trusting a novice decorator with something so important as the cake! I understand that it's practically the most important part of any party (sarc) (sarc is a abbreviation that my brother Carl made up to denote sarcasm in written speech and I am determined that it is a good idea, much needed in the social networking world, and that if I use it enough it will catch on because I am soooo popular (sarc)). I am willing to make you a cake for "at cost" cost, or even for free if I love you enough.
Okay so now for the heart-felt, emotional, mental explanation that everyone will get bored reading, but that the writer always feels is necessary in order to explain themselves and prevent people from calling them crazy, but that probably elicits more eye-rolls than anything. But whatever. About 9 months ago I really started to feel the stay-at-home mom ugness (new word, hopefully it will catch on because of my a fore mentioned popularity, especially with stay-at-home-moms). I had not much to look forward to everyday and more than that, I felt unaccomplished, under appreciated (partly because I wasn't ever accomplishing anything more than the average human), and that my specific skills and talents and traits were being wasted here in the prime of my life, as I spent my days changing diapers, feeding babies and doing laundry and dishes. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE being a stay at home mom, and wouldn't rather be in the full time workforce missing precious, irretrievable time with my babies that goes all to quickly. And I DO recognize the importance of my role in my children's lives and the importance of their lives in the world and in the Father's plan. But I did feel unhappy a lot of the time. At first I raised my expectations for my husband and blamed him for my unhappiness when he didn't meet those unrealistic expectations. "Wayne, you need to compliment me more. Tell me how much you appreciate me and validate me by telling me why my job is so important and what specific things I do well, and even extraordinarily well." "Wayne, I need to get out of the house! Please plan dates for us and don't make me arrange the babysitters every time, because it takes some of the fun away if I have to spend the night worrying about whether the babysitter is resenting me for taking her night away." But even when he upped his game, I was still unhappy a lot. I knew I needed something for myself, a hobby of some kind that I could spend a little uninterrupted time on once in a while to help myself feel like I was progressing my own ambitions in some way. I am a creative, meticulous type person and so I turned to cake decorating. I would spend free time day dreaming of the business that I would someday own and operate out of my home, and I started building supplies and practicing the skill. I think it has really helped me fill a hole in my life.

Okay, now for New Year ambition #2: Become involved in female activism in the form of improving images of women in media. Now before you call me crazy or fanatical, stop and think about the reality of how women are represented in media. Too often (it should never occur in a perfect world), women are underrepresented, misrepresented, and over sexualized. If you don't believe me, try watching the movie, Social Network, from a feminist viewpoint. It's terrible. I stewed in anger over that movie for days. If the black race were represented in the film the way that women were represented, there would be an outrage; aside from two very, very small female roles, his girlfriend in the beginning and his lawyer in the end, women were strictly limited to stupid, ditsy, party animals, only interested in alcohol, drugs, beauty, and sexually pleasuring any person who would be willing). There was no depth of character or intelligence in any of them. Sadly, however, this is not uncommon. The specific area of female representation that I am going to try and make a difference in is altered photographs of women (and men) in still, media images. The airbrushing, waist slimming, breast plumping, etc... is out of control and has created a literally impossible beauty standard for us women to compare our selves to and for men to compare us to. I believe it is the main contributing factor for so many women having a horribly negative self body image. This contributes to depression, eating disorders, and thousands of dollars and hours spent trying to improve ones looks, rather than on worthwhile endeavors such as improvements of mind and talents or on real aspects of good relationships. I read a quote at the Hirshhorne Museum of Art that said, "If you gave as much attention to your brain as you do your hair, you'd be a thousand times better off." So true! So do not buy into all those magazine photos and advertisement ladies and gents, because they are all airbrushed anyway.

So in conclusion do not be surprised when I am the next reality tv star of cake decorating, or when I write and get passed a legislative bill promoting realism in the media world.

Friday, May 25, 2012

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Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Here Comes the Baby!

Ahhhhhhhhh! Giving birth in 5 weeks! "Stay in there baby! We're not ready for you yet." I am so anxious to see my dear baby boy and hold him and kiss him and nurse him and take care of him all the time. However, I am very nervous because I will still be in school taking 9 credits for a month and a half after he's born and I will still have to work for the next three months after he's born. It makes me very tired to think of it. Speaking of tired, I have never felt such fatigue in all my life as I do daily now. This last leg of pregnancy is really taking all my juice. I just can't seem to sleep enough! I have mixed feelings at this point because I'm always tired, it's often hard to breath, and there is no comfortable position to sleep in; so I am in some ways ready to have this baby out and have my own body back. But at the same time, I LOVE being pregnant and am not quite ready to give the experience up. I would never trade it for anything in the world. I love to feel him squirm around inside of me and kick his little feet out. Even with all the ugly stretch marks, I love my cute basketball belly that serves as a constant reminder of the precious little human that is growing inside of me. I talk to my son and I rub my belly constantly.
Men get a lot perks by being men: they are privileged in most things just by default, they are stronger and more physically powerful in general, they get to hold the priesthood if worthy, they get to carry on their family names no-questions-asked, etc... But they will NEVER get to feel the joy of growing your own little baby inside of you. And they will never feel the bond that a mother and baby get from breastfeeding. I am so glad that I am a woman and that God has let me participate in this Godly act of creation. I am amazed every day and I thank God everyday that he allows his daughters (worthy or not) to participate in the greatest act of creation that even he has ever done- the creation of man. That blows my mind and I realize how much he must love us.

Friday, October 1, 2010

Pregnant, Loving it or not

Life throws you all kinds of frisbees. This time it was a baby. I am 18 weeks pregnant as of tomorrow and am due March 7th. At first I had very mixed emotions: excitement, fulfillment, anticipation, but also stress and resentment. I was pretty sick and felt very resentful that I had to go through this, while Wayne was still hunky dory with no problems. I also kept thinking, "I didn't ask for this! I don't even want to have a baby right now, and certainly don't want to be pregnant." Fortunately, most of the morning sickness has passed and I only throw up on the bad days (about three times a week). I've gotten to hear my little one's heartbeat twice now and I have an ultrasound scheduled on October 19th! i am finally getting to the good parts of pregnancy. My stomach is starting to really expand and now, just about all of my pants are a little tight. I actually like seeing my growing belly, the only bad part is that I just look fat to those who don't know I'm pregnant. I think I'm going to only wear maternity clothing or empire waist shirts from now on so that people will assume pregnancy.
I had no idea how much pregnancy changes your body but I've quickly realized that almost every part of your body changes- it is the weirdest thing. Most things are bad for me: really dry skin, urinary infections, having to take a pill everyday, gas and bloating, constipation, weird circulation, headaches, being really tired all the time, having the most super sensitive sniffer, getting used to new feelings of hunger and of how much and how often you must eat, and of coarse the worst, puking A LOT. The only good thing that I've experienced as far as my body goes (besides just thinking of the miracle of a growing baby that is taking place inside of me) is that my boobs have just about doubled in size! But is that really a plus? It's kind of annoying to have to keep buying bras. Anywhose-it, I hope that wasn't too much information, but I just wanted to share some of the things that were happening to me. Although a lot of it is bad and irritating, it really isn't that bad, especially compared to so many other women.

Really, I am so excited for everything baby, and I can't wait to hold my baby for the first time!

View From Red Canyon

View From Red Canyon
There's no place like MY home.